


Relationship, Indefinable

by azhiraz



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-18 07:47:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9375080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azhiraz/pseuds/azhiraz
Summary: Another slightly bizarre alternate universe tale with major canon divergence and divergence from plot. Pop boy band Undefinable's youngest performer Hope Estheim is growing up in a world that seems more cage than freedom; spoiled, sheltered and slowly losing his way until an army of one from G.C. runs over him. Fearless, flawless and oh-so-sexy, Lightning Farron is set to watch over him by her ex-C.O. Raines; But who's watching who, really? Absolutely no intent of profit or false claims of character creation - its all for the sheer entertaining fun of it, and it's all Square Enix.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This tale is set in a contemporary, slightly futuristic setting of a modern city in Southeast Asia. It is a bit of a silly pop star romance at heart, but has some distinct, gritty references to the real, sordid underbelly of the entertainment industry. Final Fantasy fans, please be warned that total canon & plot separation will occur; think of the story as something separate from FF, but with the character's main traits left somewhat intact. There is violence, sexuality and adult themes, so please heed before stepping into the world in the following chapters.  
> As always, my thanks to my muse, whose obsession with male Kpop blondes was dealt with gentle ruthlessness, and also supplied a wealth of inspiring audio material, notable MLBAQ's Smoky Girl, Big Bang's Fantastic Baby and Xiah Junsu's Intoxication. The author would also like to call out some stunning artwork by Keichama on DeviantArt, which was also in Muse's inspiration packet.

One fine summer evening, a superb coastal city on the western ocean hosted a concert, none other than the top pop star boy band Indefinable. Record breaking crowds attended, and the boys were given a breathless amount of attention; fans screamed memorized lyrics and a cavalcade of toys, flowers and lighted signs were held up in the dark auditorium. After the show, it was almost worse backstage as the media tried to breach the security line to the door, where the ground transports waited; in turn the fans tried to push through the media, creating a mad crush, all mindless, all panting for a taste of the 7 young men who made up the Indefinable. And no wonder, each were angels, surreal and unreachably perfect, floating high above the daily crush of mankind, in the rarified atmosphere of the Sanshin Corporation; some were darkly bronzed, like Tienjen and Han with flashing jet diamond eyes and blue-black hair; there also the golden skinned surfer boys Ashton and Jae, elegantly lean, sophisticated Xiasun, the insanely provocative Chan, always the ‘basement angel’, as he liked to put it, and the youngest, the little Oppa Hope, a younger platinum silver version of  Xiasun.

However, the said angels of tonight’s show were fearing to tread outside their dressing room, as the crowd was becoming unruly and louder by the minute; their personal security guards were arguing vociferously with the venue’s head, insisting that the garage door be cleared, but the fool screamed for additional contract fees instead of handling the situation while the fuse was still unlit. The personal guard decided to make the boys change out of performance costume and into street clothes, and make a run for it. The word of no interviews made the media howl and desperate paparazzi threw water bottles and trash to get a reaction.

It was the mistake of a lifetime. The fans got wind of it, went berserk and broke through the media line; Chan, Jae and Hope were knocked over, and the fans began to swarm over them, picking them up and chanting, pulling at their clothes, hair, anything; their security, especially one tall brown haired warrior type, simply started to bulldoze his way to the young stars; he caught a glimpse of a brown GC uniform struggling 20 yards away and startled, wondered if the head called in GC to clear the way, and not a moment too soon!  Suddenly the knot of fans around Hope gasped and screamed and a gap appeared in the mass of bodies; someone had shimmied up a slim support beam, and leapt off over their heads; flipping in space. A brown blur reached out a slim arm and extended a lethal gunsaber; it whirled rapidly, the owner twirling it one handed, as a fist was now hanging onto the collar of Hope’s coat. The GC uniform dragged Hope back to the ground with it, and still sweeping the blade, started to inch forward, a step at a time; the owner’s face & eyes were icy, growling at anyone who got too close to her prize. Chan and Jae were on the GC soldier’s left, and she barked a whiplash of a command in that direction; cowed, the fans let go of the struggling stars , and the security men pushed through, two of them using their belts as weapons, lassoing, slapping, tripping, as they re-captured their charges. They bundled everyone back into the building, as the transport was helplessly trapped in mob.

The GC uniform belonged to a young woman, older than a fan, with a shock of icy pink hair. She kept a firm hold on Hope, and leaned against the wall, her gunsaber resting on her shoulder. Noel Kreiss, Hope’s personal bodyguard growled at her to put the weapon down, but she simply gave him the scornful eye and snorted under her breath: “Asshole.”

Hope’s muffled voice piped up “He’s my bodyguard.”

“Did he plan this little welcome party, Oppa? And what the hell is wrong with you?   Didn’t you idiots ever think of using air transport?”

“We did! The others thought it’d attract less attention!” Noel snapped back in between his telephone conversation, which was going nowhere fast, too.

“You’re not invited to this conversation, captain asshole.” She looked at the shaking star with eyes hard as blue diamonds: ”This is your concert, right? You’re part of Indefinable, right?”

Frightened, Hope just nodded.

She caught the fear in his eyes and realized he didn’t know just how big his Indefinable was, and what the hell nearly happened to his swaddled ass.  Now angry, she shook him lightly, to get his situational awareness in tune with the reality of the near riot that just happened.  “What did you think it was about, kid? You’re worried about attracting too much attention, when you already have 99% of the population under 21 following your every move? Think you’re just anyone in the business?”

“We’re-we’re…we’re just number 7 on the charts! W-ww-we haven’t hit the top yet!”

The scornful eye turned to Hope: “Too Late, kid. That’s already happened. The minute you decided to step onto that stage and in the public eye, there will be someone, somewhere that will objectify you and make you their own little lust-filled orgasmic fantasy in their head. And then be obsessed enough to act on that fantasy.” She yanked his face towards the back door, being hammered on very loudly. “ Wake up. There’s 50,000 of them here tonight, right…there.” Her diatribe delivered through gritted teeth took on a mocking tone: “Do you think your name is Invisible? Unnoticeable? Shall I toss you back, oh Oppa?”

Hope screeched and broke from her grip, running to Noel, still engaged with the important someone on the other end of the line.  Police officers appeared at the stage entrance and immediately ran to arrest the only person with a weapon out, the heartless GC soldier. She stood still, calmly laying her weapon down and putting her hands on her head when instructed. The closest officer kept his weapon raised as another fumbled for his mobile to read her the arrest rights. “Nice gun – Odin Warhorse?” she purred. The moment the officer looked at his weapon was his downfall. It was grabbed and he was in a tumble of the floor with a bleeding nose, after she’d introduced his nose to the stock and expertly spun it into her shoulder.

“Well, soldier, you must have gotten your Master at Arms qualification from a real GC. Lookee here boys, we have ourselves a genu-wyne GC War-Cat!” The bass voice that spoke now took on a sprightly note: “Shall we dance?”

“Oh do, let’s!” was the sarcastically sweet reply.

Ex-GC C.O. Cid Raines, the current manager of Indefinable, moved lightly for a six foot four inch wall of rock hard muscle and smiling, bowed extravagantly at the slim woman in GC browns. “This is my guest, my _special_ guest tonight – check your A list, gentlemen. Commander Lightning E’Claire Farron. But I see you’ve already been introduced.”

With an side to Noel Kreiss, he said: ”Airborne transport was the right solution. I’m sorry the others overruled your idea. But you let them. Speak up more next time. ETA in 7 minutes or so. Run them to the rooftop. I expect reports before all of you turn in.”

Airborne, Hope looked down at the city lights. _I nearly got torn to pieces by the people who love me,_  he thought disconsolate; then let the gemmy strings below blur as silent tears dripped down. _And I? The people I love were gonna let me…._


	2. Chapter Two

Raines & Farron allowed themselves a heartfelt hug once they shut the door of Raines’ office. He kicked off his shoes and sank into a large conversational chair by the fireplace and waved her to the coffee pot. They caught up with each other, then fell into an intense discussion about the night’s incident; Raines revealed he had a motive behind the invitation, which she had already suspected. He needed her, because he could trust no one else. The business he landed in was rife with corporate spies and incompetents, and he was a man who took his job seriously; he had a huge amount of integrity, and had worked for some of the highest political and public figures before ‘retiring’ to manage the logistics of a pop star entourage. “Music pirating and stolen lyrics are just not on the same level as political secrets!” He chuckled later, flipping through the night’s reports. “The truth is I feel a lot lighter inside. It was time for me to let the next generation handle the future of Guardian Corps. I always did like the recruit selection and training duties, and is just a step to the side. Plus the pay is nearly golden. Can I tempt you with a small task? I promise it will be golden, also.”

“What’s with the tour? Looks like you could use an overhaul of the security, not a detective for lost lyrics. That silverette looked like he was ready to martyr himself –What’s up with that, Raines? He’s got a death wish or something?”

“That’s just it – I don’t know. Hope is an extraordinary talent. They all have talent. It’s my job to make sure they are protected; the company has a healthy investment in them. Plus, they are making a lot of money for the corporation. The security men are civilians –the corporation hasn’t been able to tempt an ex-mercenary, their competitors Ohayo and Takashen snap them up. They are actually rather good, but I can’t be there all the time to oversee them; you saw the result of choices made from a civilian mindset. They need a change, a shift in their thinking. And I need help to do it.”

“Ok. What about him, the starlet - Hope, was it? Who is teaching _him_ the survival course on being a public figure? He should have been fighting back, any human would do that. Why didn’t he fight back, like the other two?”

“Look, there’s been a change in him, and well, I’m worried. He used to be more outgoing, and seemed happier. All he wants to do is hide away in his room until practice time, and he’s no longer confiding in his oppa, Xiasun. Even his body guard, Noel, just shrugs and says he doesn’t know anything. If there’s anyone that can find out the truth behind the wall of lies I am seeing it would be you, Claire. Please, for Hope’s sake, look into this?”

“Who’s with him the most?”

“Noel Kreiss, his body guard, of course.”

“Separate them for a couple of days, send Kreiss away on some errand, and substitute me on the excuse I’m a candidate for a relief guard for the crew, after all holidays are coming up, and everyone needs a day off now and again for personal errands. And allow me full access to the security cams. Is there one in each room for the boys? No? Then maybe you should consider that. Don’t even let the guards know.” 

Raines made arrangements; he announced that Commander Farron was his candidate for security relief and added she was a liason for a GC consultation on a future business matter, hinting military base tours. Then he called each security man and his charge into his office and scheduled time off, plus did an introductory query for Lightning’s sake.

Lightning made sure she kept her eyes on Noel as he heard the new plans; Hope went pale then his eyes darted to Noel’s lean form, looking to the man’s cobalt eyes for support; Noel’s iris tightened to a pinpoint and his eyes narrowed a fraction along with a slight inclination of the head that seemed to give the impression of warning, or some kind of negative. Raines was too focused on his Hope to notice, and Light thought: _Now why would Noel do that? He knows something; he’s keeping some secret for Hope. Maybe he got caught with someone he wasn’t supposed to be around, like a fan, or spent company money on something stupid?_ Hope looked like he was about to cry, then swallowed it before Raines could catch the look on his face, and stumbled forward, grasping Noel by the wrist, faintly saying: ”Noel-san, don’t-don’t you want to shake hands goodbye, at least?”

She discreetly tailed the pair back to Hope’s suite, and pretended to wander the grounds of the estate; she found the private lanai of the suite, wilk silk curtains drawn against the breeze. She quirked into a wry smile at the innocence of civilian mindset – curtains weren’t plasteel reinforced walls with soundproofing. She hung about a bit and was not surprised later when she heard raised voices muffled by the curtains of the suite, so she tried to catch the gist of the conversation; all she could make out was Noel’s deeper rumble, rather impatient, almost angry, and Hope’s lighter tenor pleading, almost hysterical. _Why beg? Wait, he’s now crying – whoa, I bet the suitcase just hit the wall. Mr. Indefinable is acting like a girl of a recruit who just got change of duty orders…don’t leave me, you get on that ship, you’ll never live in this house again…._ She slapped herself across the mouth as it hit her, then quickly slipped on earbuds and pretended she was listening to a newscast, and taking photos of the estate when Noel strode out, overnight bag in hand, running a hand through his deep brown hair, trying to make some sense of the now unruly strands. He smiled with an upsetting charm and waved at her in goodbye, pointing to the lanai.

She quietly stepped onto the exquisitely tiled floor of the luxurious suite, the billowing white silk curtains giving tantalizing glimpses of the secret drama inside. The soldier-spy observed Hope shaking with emotion and excitement, pulling out an old yukata and throwing himself on the bed, burying his face in its folds and his hands groped blindly downward as he inhaled the remaining faint scent of the pine resin soap his guardian used, his sex erecting at the memory of lips on his, caresses like fire and a burning penetration that made him scream into the pillow the first time; his body rose to a shuddering climax as he writhed on the bed. Panting, he laid there for two more minutes and broke down crying at the absence of his mentor in ecstasy.

Lightning went white, then red as the meaning behind the actions sunk in; her eyes hardened into glacial ice, then even farther into brittle gemstones as she realized Noel had been making Hope into his personal object of sexual gratification in the hidden moments, and the boy had been equating it with love, not sex. He was falling in love with Noel, and was keeping it a secret from everyone. There was a big problem with that picture: Noel wasn’t in love.  A man would never leave an impressionable boy without some tender scene, and what she heard was no tender scene, and Noel didn’t even look remotely sad at leaving such a rare bit of adoring nubility behind.

_Bastard!_ she growled to herself; _I’ll show you what it’s like to be penetrated…by my steel. It’s one thing to let a natural inclination grow, but dammit Noel, you were responsible for the boy, he trusted you, and what did you do? You tried to make a boy toy out of him! He’s no more inclined towards men than the next guy on the street – why did you even try?_ She sighed as she recalled Hope’s beautiful face and sensitive expression seeing she already had the answer to her question: _Yeah, he is a rare beauty in this world- even I’m not immune to the boy’s charm. But I’d never, ever, try to prune a budding personality into an unnatural form. If this was a G.C. operation, the solution would be simple: Throw Noel in the brig after kicking the shit out of him and transfer Hope into another unit with a really strong role model. This will require a more subtle approach. Time to find Raines._


	3. Chapter Three

Raines looked up from his desk and silently waved her to a seat; Lightning looked him dead in the eye and started: ”You are not going to like this, Raines. It’s not as bad as you think, yet its worse in another way. Let me make it clear I will stay to help on this one. Now, you know why Hope has been out of sorts lately? Well, I think it has to do with…” she went on to outline the observations of Noel’s behavior, Hope’s attitude and behavior during the little meeting and quietly admitted to her last observation; then she suggested a remote observation via a pin-cam, as it would take hard evidence to dislodge the bodyguard, whom was extremely competent.

She also brought up the fact that the boy seemed overly reliant on his bodyguard to protect himself, and soon found herself in a lively discussion with Raines, whom was of the same opinion when it came to any of the star performers in the company’s contracts. He wanted them all to be able to demonstrate situational awareness, and not panic when their adoring fans made a mess of things, or became too obsessed with their idols. By the time the hour had passed, Lightning found herself re-employed under her old commander, whom had personally contacted her regiment C.O. and stolen her away on the spot with hefty fee to G.C. for loaning one of their best gunsaber masters for a tour of duty with the boy band Indefinable. Raines held one thing for himself though: He insisted on being the one to deliver the killing blow to Noel; it was a matter of personal pride just as much as it was a psychological tactic to ensure the tour knew Raines took his job of protecting the boys seriously.

Since it had to be kept a secret from the rest of the tour, Raines put her in charge of reviewing the tapes in the boy’s rooms, and summarize them daily for Raines. It took 5 days after Noel’s return to get enough evidence for a legal suit, should it come to that. It wasn’t hard to see how Noel could attract anyone he chose to; he was almost as handsome as Hope, with a lean rugged build that made heads turn; but it was clear he was not in love with his charge; he was sensual, charming, suave, passionate, but he kept the boy at arm’s length emotionally at all times. She almost couldn’t bear to watch the young man react with such affection and love to such an indifferent calculating bastard; he never saw the coolness in Noel’s eyes or the arrogantly lustful expression on his face when Hope was eagerly lapping between his legs; she wondered how could anyone resist such impassioned pleas and tender supplications for the least sign of affection….then for some odd reason she grinned to herself and admitted she was damn glad Noel was indifferent to Hope.    

At the right moment, Raines kicked in the door, strode in, yanked Noel back by the hair and brought his personal tanto to his throat; Hope cried and screamed and begged, but Raines kept in his role of authoritative father, and forbid him to see Noel, then swiftly kicked Noel in the balls and the head and called for the other bodyguards to remove the moaning man from the property. He tenderly picked up Hope and held him, whispering in a thickened tearful voice he was sorry, he was responsible for Hope’s happiness as well as his safety and to trust him, Oppa Raines, when he said he knew this would not make him happy. Noel broke the rules Raines had set, and had to suffer the consequences. He soothed the grief stricken boy as best as he could, and gently propelled him to the shower before the bodyguards came tumbling in, eager for some action. They removed Noel with swiftness, and later all came back to the room, and all personally apologized to Raines for not being more observant of Noel & Hope, offered their resignations, which Raines refused, wryly stating they weren’t fit enough to fire, they had to suffer with him on this breach of conduct; relieved, they all bowed to a silent white faced Hope, and apologized for failing in their protection of him; they were all quite put out and very concerned for him, even gently hugging him or taking a hand, and reinforcing that no real man would ever do as Noel did; it was one thing to decide as an adult that one liked men, or women, or both, but never would they force their personal choices on their charges; the relationship was to be respectful.  That made a huge impression on Hope, and his eye started to glimmer with a bit of self-confidence again; then they left him quietly, to go back to their assigned stars and leave him to rest and recover from the incident.

Hope couldn’t sleep, and found himself walking around the estate grounds, and almost intruded on a slim figure in meditation before the beautiful alabaster Buddha in the white flower garden. She seemed far less frightening kneeling there on the white stone flags, in fact, more of a sweet portrait painted in pastel tints to match the garden. He thought she looked deceptively young, with the deepening azures of dusk softening the keenly cut face and steely eyes.  She said nothing, simply hovering on the edge of meditation in a comfortable silence that made Hope feel at ease with her, even though he’d just met her 8 days ago. Encouraged, and not reminded of _him_ for a moment, he sat down by her. He tried to meditate, as temple prayers always helped before, but soon burst into silent tears at the memory of his shameful secret, now exposed to his respected manager and the other bodyguards. He wondered how soon the story would get out, and he bowed his head in deeper shame, realizing this could end all their careers as a successful band; he found himself quietly muttering “I should have been courageous and spoken up…I am such a coward.”

A soft voice, very different than the brittle glass shards he’d heard the first time they’d met replied: “Bravery comes in many forms – masking courage with weakness is an excellent tactic in war. And sometimes it takes far more courage to be silent and endure than to cry out.”

A near silent sob escaped the soft mouth, trembling at the memory of the first tendril of fear and physical ecstasy at being touched by a hand not his own.

“You don’t seem like a coward, but you seem like you have been bearing a heavy burden for a young man, and don’t want to tell anyone you know…maybe you think they are too close to the situation?”

Hope slowly nodded, and hesitating, he started to slowly spill the story of how he fell under the spell of his bodyguard, words dripping slowly, chosen with care, then later tumbling out in a torrent, totally uninhibited as the calm rose-haired Kwan Yin of a woman displayed no disgust or anger at his story, she just sat and listened, calm as a monk, occasionally inserting a spare word or two to clarify what she’d heard. When it was over, he felt so much lighter inside, he could breathe again without a hitch in his throat and a sickening sense of nausea in his stomach.

“I- I wish you could stay a while longer, Farron-san. You make it seem so simple, like you can just pick up where you left off and go on…”

“Oh…it’s not a question if you can or can’t, Hope…you just have to do some days.  Hmm…I could stay for a while until you get things sorted out. I’ve known Raines a long time, and I was his gunsaber student when I joined G.C. – maybe you might want to pick one up one day and see how it feels. Nothing more empowering knowing you’ve got a weapon that could take the head off a man 6 inches taller and 50 pounds heavier than you, ya know?” she smiled a bit wickedly, and Hope caught the feral look in her eyes in the twilight; he was shocked a bit as it came to his mind that a woman in a regiment that was predominately male must have been rough on her – she knew how he felt somehow. He knew right then and there he didn’t want anyone else close to him right now, except her. She _understood_ without saying.

He walked back to the kitchen and found some food, and was busy sucking the comforting steamy heat of a bowl of noodles when Xiasun and Ashton came tumbling in for ice cream. They hugged him and treated him as normal, so he surmised that the bodyguards had kept the incident of Noel’s removal to themselves. So he fell in with them and wandered off back to Xiasun’s room to play videogames and listen to music.

The next morning, Lightning was introduced as an interim bodyguard for Hope, on loan from the G.C. for the remainder of the tour, and would be teaching him self-defense, and was also helping Raines reassess the tour safety programs; she stepped up and very politely said she was honored to be there, asked them all to help her become acclimated quickly, and to please excuse any mistakes in protocol she might make in the next few days – she’d never guarded civilians, just military or government officials. The boys were in disbelief that a girl was going to take the place of deadly swift Kreiss and also disturbed that the all male circle of tour brotherhood was going to be broken, elbowed Han to speak up. He was usually the ringleader in voicing the boy’s displeasure and arrogantly snorted: “What? Like  the last president who was assassinated? That was a real successful job!“

The room went quiet as Raines frowned and opened his mouth to chide the boy, but Light held a hand up and replied: “Yes.  I was one of a team of six. I was in charge of his wife and children. It was…difficult…due to the traitor being a secretary of state. The building had its challenges, too.”

Raines added his weight to shut the rude young man up: “Commander Farron was the sole surviving guard of the attack, Han-san.  She was awarded the Heart of Etro and the Wings of Eidelon for her resourcefulness against seven ninja and keeping 5 people essential to the ruling class alive. And I insist you respect her. She could teach you a thing or two.”

They all looked at her with wide eyes and bowed.  They’d all read the news last year about the stand-off inside the embassy and remembered the lone soldier limping out with two children on the cover page. An Army of One was what they all called the warrior, who’d simply declined to comment, letting the leaders of G.C. speak instead. Hope felt warm inside suddenly, seeing that Raines did care for him deeply enough to get the toughest warrior from G.C. he could get; he knew life was going to change at last.   


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may notice similarities in this chapter to the opening scene in The Rundown; Beck's character seems on a level with Lightning's character in this story at times ( think canon divergence) and besides, it seemed like too much fun to pass up. Again, no intent of profit intended, and credits to the scriptwriters of both venues.

Of course, the respect of a spoiled, disturbed young man lasts about as long as his attention span, and by the start of the evening’s performance, Hope had delivered enough snarky attitude to make his new guardian’s eyebrow twitch, which somehow he knew was a barometer of her mood. He simply wished to be rid of her as soon as possible and insidiously clever, he dragged her to every hot spot and private party afterwards, grinding in the lesson of not belonging anywhere near the rarified atmosphere of the top. She stubbornly stuck by his side, oblivious and looking like a scorpion in a cage of darting hummingbirds. The most elite gathering was at kisskissbangbang, an invitation-only fantasyland filled with sports stars, models, film stars and other performers; not only money but serious money and spectacular style were the entry ticket. But the real currency was fame.

The boys had already gone in a quarter hour before Hope, who had fastidiously freshened his look with a change of jacket, even fussing with eyeliner leftover from the performance. He didn’t ask how he looked, he knew he was sleek and sharp, irresistible. And the sec men knew his name, his pedigree of fame. He said nothing to Lightning as he strode down the long hallway, anticipating freedom in minutes. The sec men stood calmly at the 10 foot plate glass double doors, bearing the holo-etched FangGlass company logo, guaranteed to be riot proof, according to the adverts. Hope was greeted with a laser scanner, registering his body readings and optical print on file; the burly pair suavely opened the doors, murmuring “Mr. Estheim, welcome back. Table 11.” They paused when Lightning stepped up and the scanner stayed silent. One slowly shook his head and tapped Hope on the shoulder. Snidely, Hope said: ”What are you still doing here? Be off.”

“I’m your security. I better be in there.”

“…There is ‘security’, and then there is…Security..” was the small stab in retort. The people behind her snickered and began to walk around her.

“Oohhhh..so, like, you’re saying, I don’t belong here?”

Lofty, Hope gave her the stare, flicking over her plain black mercenary attire and utilitarian holster, the lethal gunsaber winking wickedly. _Oh the gods, she even smells like gun lubricant..not even a dab of lipgloss on that gorgeous face,_ as his nose gave the most refined twitch of disgust.

“Some things should be obvious.” He stated, minutely adjusting his $2,000 midnight green velvet jacket and turning away. “You need to go home. Make sure she knows where the servants exit is, please?” thrown as an aside to the pair of burly sec men eyeing her in just as an unfriendly manner.

“You heard your boss, girl. Time to go.”

The servants exit door shut with a bang behind her and she found herself at the back garage, where the rest of Indefinable’s security was kicking their heels, also banished from the kingdom of celebrity heaven. She almost smiled, but with a supreme effort kept a straight face. Huang-su, Xiasun’s guard, handed her his flask of Soju and shrugged, also trying not to smile. She took a snort, letting the raw Korean whiskey fuel the burning fuse that ignited in the entry hall.

 “They do this often?” She inquired. Shrugs followed, with Huang-su sighing: ”When they get in a mood, it happens.”

“Anyone call Raines?” They all shook their heads.

“Oh, good.”

She took off at a rapid pace back to the entry hallway. The sec crew, curious, followed. As she strode down the hallway, the infamous Farron glare and eyebrow twitch appeared; sadly the doormen had no knowledge of what that meant and went into block position in front of the doors. She stopped and announced: ”I’m back. You have two choices: One. You open the doors. Two. I make you open the doors.”

The sec man near the console hit the auto lock. She shrugged, and a booted foot lashed out with speed into the knee of the left man; as he went down, she grabbed his ears and a knee went into his face, then the butt of the gunsaber slammed into his nose. The weapon arced elegantly around her body in its tactical sling and was caught one handed at the left shoulder. She introduced the 2nd man’s nose to her custom alloy friend; it dropped into position on her right shoulder, the bolt slammed home and the lightest touch on the trigger released a high-velocity supra-light round into the armor plate glass. At the very close range the round shattered the glass, yet let the slug fall harmlessly. A flick of her finger made the impaired door crumble into diamonds and dust. She steeped through and sweetly inquired: “Table 11?” to the man in a foppish club suit, who pointed left. The 1st sec man staggered in and gave his best attack; it was a royal dust-up, set to the throbbing beat of synth-boogie-rap, until the old-fashioned ultra-cool CD player was ripped off the DJ booth and hurled at the running sec man’s back. The rest of the Indefinable security crew had taken courage and followed Lightning in, involved in their own battles of regaining control over their charges, and hustling them out, before kisskissbangbang blew up, or their new coworker produced some hidden atomic.

The only atomic in Lightning’s repertoire that night was her skill set; the civilians seriously underestimated GC training, and one civilian in particular was getting a taste of what it was really like to thumb a nose at GC, and a single GC at that. Hope had been in the back booths, and frozen in shock, he simply sat there as sec man after sec man went down as Lightning moved through the sleek club, looking for an expensive jacket in midnight green velvet and silver hair. His heart began to hammer, and not just in fear: _Gods..she moves like water; she doesn’t hesitate, not a single misstep, not a single clumsy move…she always knows exactly what to do with the minimum movement…I’ve never seen confidence like this before…its…elegant……she’s….beautiful._ She spotted him, and instinctively, the young man knew this war-goddess was pissed; he slithered out of the booth and tried to make a run for it, but a slim foot in sturdy black merc boots tripped him, and a delicately slim hand grabbed his wrist. He went down ungracefully, the hand twisting his wrist with a smooth turn, until his arm was pinned and a blaze of painfully pinched nerves made him yelp. The yelp turned into a scream as she unkindly yanked him up, making the joint grate against the nerves; the pain was debilitating, but not enough to make him pass out.

“Move your feet.” She commanded, her eyes sparking in an emotionless face. Hope stubbornly stayed still, his own eyes lighting up. “Do I get a choice, you bitch?” He choked. “I make you.” He tried to kick her, and the boots neatly moved. He dropped to the ground; the grip changed to the back of his jacket and she dragged him through the place and down the servant’s exit, where the rest of the Indefinable crew was waiting for transport back home. They were all bit scuffed, but the sec men were gleeful, as they had gotten the upper hand at last. Three transports for hire pulled up and the boys were paired off with their guard and started to climb in. Hope lost it at that point; had it been Noel, they would have been in a screaming match, followed by a tussle that always ended with searingly passionate possession; his frustration with this new and passionless situation displayed itself with a slap to the slim guardian’s cool face with an immediate backhand on the return sweep. Her face displayed no emotion, even when a tiny cut made by his ring began to trickle deep red drops of her blood. The ruined jacket was yanked halfway off, effectively trussing him, the pocket handkerchief neatly gagging him as well before he was kicked into the transport with Xiasun & Huang-su.

Again, Hope let the gemmy strands of city lights become blurred as silent tears welled up. _Nothing, not even a flinch. I thought my anger would be sooo right for you…It was for Noel…what’s wrong with her? Doesn’t she want me? Everybody wants me. What’s wrong? With…me?_

 


	5. Chapter 5

“Is there anything missing from this report?” Raines blandly inquired, pushing the tablet across the desk to a silver haired statue sitting in his interview chair. The cushy chairs by the fireplace were for more informal, less deadly inquiries. Hope read Lightning’s summary of last night’s activities; it was a rather pleasant, but brief paragraph of all the places they’d gone to, who they’d met, how they moved around the city. Her description of the incident of kisskissbangbang was a single line: _Retrieved client from adult venue kisskissbangbang. All security denied access._ Hope was puzzled. He expected a full blow by blow description, especially his blow by blow at the end. Raines didn’t like it if females were ‘touched inappropriately’. He’d seen him tear into Ashton and his security for shoving his ex-girlfriend when she showed up demanding quiet money for being pregnant. Or so she said. The sec man was fired and Ashton was left a shaking white faced mess when Raines was finished with his rebuttal.  Hope shook his head, just as politely pushing the tablet back to Raines. The dark haired manager smiled up through his brush of hair on his forehead and gently pushed it back, swiping to the next report. “What about this one?”

Hope read through the next sec man’s report, which was far more colorful and reported his double strike against Farron. “Oh, read the next…read them all, please.” Was Raines instruction, very soft now. Stunned, Hope read the descriptions of how the sec men all saw their charges…saw…him. There were no nasty words, all professional in tone, but it was clear. They all said he’d struck Lightning Farron, and led them all on a night of hell just to get Farron to quit. His face burned as it sank in.

Raines leaned back in his chair and let the silence get under Hope’s skin for a few minutes more, then dialed the owner of kisskissbangbang and let Hope hear the conversation; he was stunned to hear Raines’ complete defense of Farron and the sec men, even sweetly laughing in reply, stating the $25K doors must have been cheap ripoffs of FangGlass and to check her sources better next time, or stop lying to her guests about how safe the place was. His charges had a right to their own security guards to be present. The call ended with a comfortable trade off of pretty insults, each party secretly tickled with the outcome. Raines didn’t have to pay for the damages, and kisskissbangbang would not have to suffer the public humiliation of having its face smeared by one GC in the news. Of course, Farron would teach a special defense session to the KKBB sec men. Of course, the Indefinable crew would make a generous donation of their time at the next festival. Of course, KKBB would loan its uniform designer, at no charge for a new look to enhance Indefinable AND its sec crew, needless to say their special delight in hosting them all for the duration of the festival.

“Atonement and cooperation is the foundation of rebuilding business relations; what do you think personal relationships rebuild on, Hope? Think hard about that today. And do you think that report should be revised? Let me know.”

Coolly, Raines turned away. Hope drifted out, ending up in the white garden again in front of Buddha; he sat there and recalled the last evening, his brow wrinkling and unwrinkling with his thoughts. He kept going back again and again to Lightning moving in the club; his mind recalled things he had refused to admit to himself: her absolute grace, the way her hair moved in counterpoint, the flawless complexion , now marred with a blood droplet, leanly muscled limbs that molded her into something more than utilitarian, in fact, feminine….sexy.

The evening interview he was scheduled for was over with quickly, and he was at his most circumspect for that hour. He was on time at the front door, even bowing slightly at the sec team before stepping into the transport. His guardian was also silent during the ride; he noted the tiny red line on her cheek and throbbed with a strange sensation of regretful tenderness. He’d struck Noel like that before, and he’d carefully tended his secret sinful guard with his own healing herbs and lotions, but there was no post-foreplay intimacy with the icy rose sitting by him, cradling her gunsaber as the gemmy city lights flew by.

“Come with me, Farron-san,” he invited when they reached his private suite back home. He led her to the bathroom, sitting her down on a teakwood bench, and slowly, gently, tilted her head back to view the small wound. She allowed the exam quietly, but watchfully. Silently, he brought out the right herbs and oils, and mixed, applying them with a light touch. He became fascinated with her face, delicately boned, almost aristocratic, but kept from insipidness with her extraordinary eyes and a sensuous mouth made for kissing. He felt the beat of attraction, and started to lower his head for a taste of the satiny lips, the healing touch seguing into a caress, softly moaning “I’m sorry-so sorry, forgive me…” his eyes welling with unshed tears. Her hands simply stopped him, and the sweet low voice he’d heard in the garden spoke: “No need for that. One I’m sorry is enough. You don’t have to beg, and I don’t need…That, I don’t need-“ She paused in surprise as Hope’s head hit her shoulder and a cracked sharp splinter of a sob was heard. She could do no more than simply let him, holding his head as he broke down completely.

He was vaguely aware of being carried to bed, and a hand that stayed to hold his until he fell asleep, exhausted from the pent up emotions draining from his psyche.


	6. Chapter Six

It was a rainy morning, and Hope awoke to a cold breeze and the patter of raindrops; he turned to the windows, his favorite chair, wide and deep, silhouetted by the moving silk curtains and unsurprised, saw Lightning sitting there, gunsaber cradled in her lap. She regarded him steadily, waiting for him to set the mood for the day. Something different glimmered in his expression, a faint air of thaw in the frozen seaglass-green irids peering up through an extravagant fringe of dark lashes. He idly examined her, noting she was dressed for exercise, yet didn’t see a hint of a goosebump or a shiver run down her frame in the cool air. He tucked an arm behind his head and quietly remarked: ”It’s Monday. I hate Mondays. Practice. Then more practice. Ending with. Practice. It’s like herding cats. No one works together. The choreographer, the stylist, the vocal coach. The guys all have different interpretations of the lyrics. Maybe I should skip it all and join GC, like you.”

She arched a brow and simply said: ”Then step up your game. Set the pace for once. Give to your team. Might give you something back, Estheim.” She got up to go, her back to him. “ If it gets too much today. Call. I’ll be there.” Then she was gone, like a mirage.

The rest of Indefinable was in the dance studio, warming up or down, or simply hanging out, waiting on the choreographer who was delayed by an accident on a bridge on the south side. Hope had stretched, twice now, and was in a full leg extension, one limb on the wall, and his cheek resting against his knee, breathing in soft pants to offset the pain-that-was-pleasure. “Hey.” He quietly called out. Then, a little stronger: ”Hey. Guys.” Slowly they stopped and swiveled their heads towards the source.

“Why are we doing this? Are you really happy with the way this going? We follow directions, we play music written by someone else, we dance the way someone tells us to, we have someone dressing us, and what for? We’re supposed to be cutting edge, but we don’t even have a signature sound, we look like this week’s fad fashion, no real style, and we never really feel like…well..*I* don’t feel like…me.”

Han spoke first: ”I always wanted to use my star status to help minorities – you know, keep their culture, be a…a spokesperson. But here I am, giving speeches about star gossip. I feel like a damn puppet.” Xiasun gave Han a quick mime of being on strings and said in falsetto: “ I never get to wear my own clothes, Han-san!” Ashton and Jae laughed, and Jae commented ”Dude, you used to sew your own clothes when I met you.  I always wanted to play my guitar on stage.”

The others spoke, as they flopped on the floor freed of a teacher for another hour. Everyone agreed when oppa Xiasun announced: “Maybe it’s time we changed the game up. Why don’t WE tell them what we want? We ARE a designer, a vocal coach, a choreographer, a musician.”

Hope eventually had the guts to say it out loud: “ You know, it’s changed us…changed..me, being on someone else’s string. Look at the way I treated Farron. I think I suck.” Tienjen admitted: ”We have some tough guys…and girl. They have to keep us from harm, and look how badly we handled it when something did happen. Tae-hun and Minho were both torn up at the auditorium over us. All these people surround us to do what we want, and yet, we’re all separate. They play team with us, but we don’t play team with them….” And Hope finished the sentence into the comfortable silence: ” …..and we need them just as much as they need us.” 

So, the transformation of Indefinable began. They met together for a week and presented their brave new direction, wearing the clean-cut shirts Xiasun designed and sewed, each a little different, yet cut from the same fine white fabric. They looked like maturing young men, each with distinct personalities, and they brought forward music riffs, instruments and dance ideas that pushed the envelope of the well worn pop star definitions. The sec crew was greeted one morning in the kitchen with fresh coffee & tea and 7 stars bowing and chanting _good morning, adjusshi!_ , and it became a daily ritual. The wild nightlife of the city was replaced ( temporarily, they promised themselves) with planning meetings, business lunches and practice. But on Wednesdays because Hope still hated Mondays.

Hope’s curiosity about his guardian grew daily; he replayed that evening at KKBB over and over in his mind, the memory of the flowing water of Lightning’s movement translated itself into an intense attraction, to be emulated, imitated. He tried to discover nuances in her expression or voice that would reveal more about her past. He even asked Raines what happened to her. The ex-C.O. just gently shook his head and said “Battlefield promise. Let her tell YOU, it’s OK to ask. But she may never do so, and if she says no, let it lie dead, Hope-san.”

He at least got her to try some dance basics by insisting she would never know what it was like to be him, understand his physical weaknesses, unless she could feel the movements he made. The tables were turned for a while, as he gleefully led her through his routines, which were an extravagance of movement compared to her sparse, deadly battle moves. She felt outright clumsy more than once, sighing in frustration; Hope also was frustrated with her, she seemed to have shut off any feelings beyond the teacher-student relationship; it was hard to teach someone if they didn’t feel how beautiful their body looked moving in time with the beat. She was not off time, memorized steps well, but the feeling behind it was missing.  What drove him crazy was seeing her in the dojo, where she was sheer poetry in movement; she was in love with her body then.   _Love is war, it’s a battlefield of its own, Lightning. How can I make you feel that? My body was the weapon I used to fight with, to save…me. What did you do? You used your skill with a gunsaber- was that the only thing you thought was beautiful about yourself?_

After an evening watching a martial arts movie with Xia, Han, and Ashton and goofing off afterwards to the sound track, Hope’s head clicked onto an idea: Practice the martial arts katas with music. He set the scene, arriving early to the practice dojo and starting his kata practice in time with a contemporary recording of Taiko drums. Intrigued with the sudden improvement in her student’s attention span, Lightning found herself teaching the class set to the drums. Every new lesson that week brought new music, and when Hope politely begged her to demonstrate her master class test that Raines had told him of, she fell to and with the music, she relived the memory: her exhilaration, her total confidence, her body moving precisely, lightly and the sun of her teacher’s smile at the end. Indeed, Raines had smiled, just as proudly as Hope’s smile beaming across the mat. Then with a very adult cock of his eyebrow and a silky seductive voice he purred: ”Now. Help me make that into a dance my partners can perform, Sensei.”

He looked up at her, hopeful, rather adoring, and a bit serious before asking: “Um. Think you could find a way to sneak out and go hit Sushi Shack later tonight with me? I thought the fish looked really good this morning. It’s the least I could do to thank you properly over dinner. I think the guys want to go clubbing tonight, and you know what that means…”

“Fanservice!” She laughed, before pulling him to his feet.

Fanservice it was that evening; they all dressed in Xiasun’s creations, looking fiercely individualistic now, and had two cameramen , 1 live action, 1 still shots during the street action in the bustling city near the main night market; then at 8, it was over, and they all split to go play in their own private ways; Xiasun and Teinjen went to play video games, Han went back to his room to finish writing his lyrics and play guitar, Jae and Ashton went searching for a late night Thai Tea, leaving Chan to knock on Han’s door to jam with him and drink the forbidden sodas he so loved; this left Hope who moaned for sushi; then it was done, and they were alone on the sidewalk the soft air pressing on them like an invisible blanket of the softest velvet.

“Here, try this one: it’ll taste so clean, it’ll be like eating a rare piece of filet mignon.”

Hope expertly pulled a piece from the elegantly arranged tray in front of them, and held it near her face with his chopsticks. Cautiously she leaned forward and bit, warily backing off immediately like a feral cat while she chewed the morsel of tender tuna, a maguro cut, deep rosy red like the beef tenderloin her little lion tamer compared it to; the play of expressions across her face was unforgettable as she realized it tasted good, and he was secretly pleased at the way she started to lean in more eagerly for more tastes of the briny clean fish flesh.  He naughtily ordered a bottle of sake and began to play the old drinking game his oppa Xiasun taught him, and by the time the clock hit 10, Light was a far looser and playful creature than the wary lioness he’d sat on the stool next to him an hour ago. He was very circumspect in public, even now, one never knew when a cell phone could be raised, and he behaved like a proper younger brother hosting his rather stuffy elder sister on a cultural exploration night. He’d taken so much of his culture for granted, and she blended so seamlessly into his world, he’d never even thought to ask her what she thought, where she came from, what her tastes were; so he gently tried to draw her out while feeding her more delicious cuts of sea creatures, washed down with never ending cups of sake interspersed with green tea.

Hope discovered a proud lone wolf of a woman, forced to grow up far too fast in the great purges and be an adult, a warrior, and a parent of her sister at age fifteen; she was scornful of willful ignorance, ferociously loyal to anyone who earned her trust, and yet paradoxically mistrustful of everyone, as she’d seen the wrong side of human nature far too long. Her watchful eyes hid a razor sharp intelligence, a high level of shrewdness that bordered on prescience, and a well-hidden eye for beauty; grace in movement tended to sway her deeply, and she spent countless hours perfecting her own battle routines, so the least gesture was poetry in her mind. They ended up in a dispute comparing martial arts to dance, each holding up their pet theories and discovering the other art was just as much work as their own.

Hope actually had the courage to ask her to the studio and offer to show her his stretches so she’d get rid of the tight muscles and sleep better. Surprisingly, she said yes. Hope, with a tendril of something darkly thrilling sprouting, suggested one of their rooms might be more private, he didn’t want anyone on the tour to get the wrong idea if they were found in the studios late at night alone. Hope almost laughed, explaining that the troupe thought nothing of invading each other’s rooms, even at 3 o’clock in the morning, but alone on the stage or studios meant sneaking behind someone’s back.  He took his advantage and pushed her to his room, stating the suite was bigger and had more floor space.

His suite nearly took one’s breath away, furnished exquisitely in light fabrics and finishes floating above a dark wood floor, almost ebony, but not quite; a wealth of Asian antiques, including a carved mother of pearl folding screen and a quartz Buddha divinely meditating upon the small reflecting pool on the private lanai. Hope carefully lit a stick of incense for him before turning to his guest, whom had carefully knelt on the open floor before the lanai, patiently waiting for her employer-turned-friend to finish his ritual. The slim form of the young man slowly doffed his jacket and even more slowly pulled the silky tie loose, fantasizing his rose haired obsession blindfolded with it before carefully folding it like an obi and setting it aside, which brought an amused smile to his face. Just as silkily his voice invited: “Are we ready to begin?” before kneeling behind her and ever so gently placing his hands on the delicate curve of her jawline and slowly rolling her head in the 8 direction release for the muscles of the neck.

Each set of stretches brought a new intimacy, a step closer to the being they each silently obsessed over in the still of the night. Hope was starting to breathe in short soft gasps, her hair with its scent was so warm, so familiar and he reveled in the silky locks that brushed him ; he came close to worshipping the softness of her skin, sending small electric crackles of pleasure with every slight touch that occurred; soon he was deliberately finding excuses to touch, the touch slowly segueing into a caress, the caresses melting into a grasping possession, primal in its directness, its clean uncluttered lust for the sheer feel of this beautiful escalating feeling, this intensity of being, this silent volcanic flow of hot sweetness pulsing in all the hidden arteries and veins until he was on fire for her and ruthlessly kissing her softly over and over again, despite her jerking away, always coming back, silently pleading, begging…seducing…

He couldn’t help it, he had been restrained from allowing himself to express this dark blooming opium rush of excitement-that-was-wrong he felt, it simply came out in a tumble, and simply overwhelmed her with wave after wave of sensuality, bringing her hands to him, running a tongue along a collarbone, interlacing fingers and pushing gently until her back hit the plush carpet and climbed on her, only to slowly kiss his way downward until somehow his hands were undoing  the fastenings of their clothing and her sleek flat belly lay exposed, the navel piercing trembling with the short excited breaths she was taking now. For the first time in his life he felt like he was all man, and it went straight to his head he was making her feel like this, and he was ready to dive into her with the finest sense of appreciation of her mature lean body, well-honed as his and infinitely more exciting than any cherry blossoms nubile youth.

A sudden, violent shove sent him crashing into a twiddly side table, upsetting the pretty display of fruit in a silver bowl with a harsh discordant clang on the floor. Within seconds, Lightning had regained her feet, and frowning, growled out: “NO. NOT. THIS. Back off, boy. Screw anyone you want, but don’t ever play me like that again. I’m your guardian.” She grabbed his loose shirt and pulled him to her face ungently. “All along I was thinking Kreiss taught you to play his game, but you had your own game going, didn’t you? Whatthehell? Are you so bent you have to make everyone fall for you?”

Hope was silent as a cat caught in the cream, and she sighed explosively and let him go. Softer now, she ended their evening, the fire now ashes and dust: “I’m your guardian. I don’t abuse the trust given to me. Don’t you do the same to me. I’m your guardian.”

 


	7. Chapter Seven

The snick of the closing door made Hope’s sigh just as explosive. _Damn, if I didn’t mess that up. I’m falling for her. Not quite the game you can tell an adult woman 6 years older than you and 6 eons beyond your level. Whatthehell is right – maybe I am bent. Maybe I’m just too bent for anyone. _  _Maybe that’s what Noel was trying to tell me._

Hope remembered Noel took him to a club in the Ginsu neighborhood; the need to satisfy the dark, strange thrill he had planted in Hope’s psyche overtook him, and he decided to slip out on his own. The chances of actually seeing Noel were slim, he knew that, but not impossible. So he lied smoothly, said he was going to shop a bit at a night market known for funky handmade clothes by art students and struggling designers; he could go pretty much unnoticed, as extreme dress, makeup and hair was the norm. It was also easy to lose anyone tailing him. He’d lost Noel a few times, and he was a trained desert tracker before a security man; Hope smugly thought even Lightning couldn’t track him through the warren of alleyways and stalls. He was a bit let down when his object of interest didn’t pitch a fit when he said he needed to get out; she appeared unruffled after the incident an hour before, but fastidiously refused to drive him, ordering one the house’s errand transports.

He was dropped off by the main entry, and pretended to wander for about an hour, buying a hand-shredded black shirt, a handful of necklaces, a suede motojacket like a 1,000 others in the market, and let a girl in a stall play with her makeup kit and gave him kohl-lined eyes, temp tattoos on his chest and neck and holo-sheened hair finish; The spray turned his hair into a moving rainbow of color, changing with each movement, making it hard to determine what his true hair color was underneath.  He flipped up his hoodie, stuck his hands in his pockets and became just another anonymous cyberpunk looking for someplace to go on Saturday night.

Then he went crazy, running and ducking, feinting, until he was clear of the crowded alleyways, and ran down a subway entrance, running for Ginsu and its forbidden fruit.

Lightning’s lips twitched in a wry smile at his cleverness and momentarily thought he could have been a great spy ops man in the G.C. Had he a little more suspicion in the ease of his escape, he’d have easily found the cool little stud earring his guardian gave him after she pierced his ear 3 weeks ago was a micro-cam with a digital processor and homing signal with full GPS range of 500 Km. provided he didn’t take it off, she could find him anywhere in the city. All she had to do was wait for him to slow down and stop moving. She kept fairly close, on a borrowed ‘cycle from one of the other guardians, as he travelled through the inner city and the middle class neighborhoods to an off the beaten path nightclub area known for late night hours. It was well-frequented, but not too popular, and certainly no pop stars or paparazzi looking for pop stars would be found there. With his average boy-on-the-town disguise, Hope could be anyone, anything. 

The Body Shop was the name of the club, and it had a real bodywork shop on the main floor, a second floor with private rooms for karaoke, gambling, private hosts or hostesses and a basement lined in fake leather banquettes and about a million laser and LED lights, stuffed full of anyone could afford the entry fee and the beer. The main floor had a glassed-in wall that one could watch the mechanics strip and refinish cars; usually some insanely creative customization was the norm, and added panache according to the owner. It was all bottle service and a prime cruising spot for the host boys and girls to meet their appointed dates or attract new clients. The upstairs was their territory, and the rest of the world claimed the basement. Noel had been very careful in his choice, it was a near perfect fantasyland for Hope to pretend he was normal, and Noel knew the freedom was the heroin he needed to get his young charge addicted. He had casually grabbed a couple of beers, long and lean in his black leathers, and told him: “Go crazy, kid.” For about an hour, Hope went into freefall, a dance machine freed from the constraints of moving in time like a silly romantic boytoy ballet dropout with 6 other boys. It was then, when that one rhythm that matched the beat in his blood came thundering out of the 24 speakers in the room, that the seduction really started. Hope’s slim form was joined by a dark shadow, a perfect complement, a sun-bronzed foil to his moonlit form; Hope caught Noel’s movement with ease, and the pair soon had an admiring crowd of voyeurs watching the pair explore themselves through dance. Drinks were shoved in their faces and wild noises at the end of the set overcame them, and now a little unnerved, Hope tugged at Noel’s sleeve and his eyes wild he nearly screamed to leave, he wanted to go, NOW.

Noel caught the gist of Hope’s mental overload, and simply dragged him through the crowd with a couple of unkind swipes at ankles until they cleared the stairwell. Breathing a bit hard, the both collapsed against the cold concrete wall and grinned. They had escaped and no one knew who they were, or where they came from. Something changed in Noel’s expression and before Hope knew it, he was clasped close to a rock hard body and his mouth was being kissed violently, deeply and somehow, it zinged through his mind like a sugar rush, and all he could was grab the silky chestnut strands brushing his face and push back into that rock wall of burning passion. They fell apart with a gasp, and Noel’s hands were pushing him up the stairs, swiftly propelling him out of the club and onto his ‘cycle. The cold night air did little to dampen their feelings, but confusion set in for Hope, so when they arrived home, he jumped off and ran to his room, locking the door as he collapsed in the shower, nearly weeping as he realized he’d gone too far, and with an adult male, at that. He wondered who he was until he fell asleep in a huddle under the blankets.

It took Noel two days before he could get Hope to speak to him, and surprisingly, Noel did not apologize, but brazenly said he was the one who tempted him beyond reason. He implied that it was Hope’s feelings, his expectations that drove the situation; it takes two to be involved. He said to ask himself what he thought he was; of course, Hope was inexperienced, the normal experiences of teen bonding and parental role models were missing, and coupled with the constant cage of being in the public eye, Hope equated the feeling of freedom to express himself with the attraction to his guardian. Which was exactly what Noel wanted. To look to him, not others.

And so the secret trips continued, to other places, until Noel had Hope worked into submission of his own darker desires, all hinging on the secret freedom of expression he got on the dance floor or on the streets of the city.

Hope didn’t know what he wanted tonight, but he wanted it just as dark and strong as his memory. The basement was just as packed, and the music was just as sizzling. He felt that sensation of freefall again, and let his lean body gyrate and slither across the dance floor in moves he only dreamed of doing on stage; of course it attracted some attention, but as he was one of a 1,000 cyberpunks out there in the city on a Saturday night, by himself, he didn’t get that much attention, until he broke off dancing and went to the bar for a cold drink. He asked for bottled water, which amused a very drunk group of locals out on a bachelor’s party; they tried to force him to drink, jolly up to their level, but Hope angrily struck the bottle from a hand, and the insult was taken with mortal pride; they pushed him about a bit, then one went in with a punch; Hope dropped and swept the man’s feet, and then the drunk got up with real anger in his face and kicked, sending Hope flying. The incensed drunk slowly drew off his chain belt, intending to whip the silver-plated boy into oblivion, but the chain was caught by a gloved hand; Hope couldn’t see who had stepped between them, only a silhouette that was lean and long, in black leathers. A familiar voice barked: “back off.”

“Oooh, why, rosie dearie? He’s mine, the little dreck!”

“What’s mine is mine.” A snick and clear ping of metal on metal was followed by the rattle of a chain belt cut by a gunsaber and hitting the dance floor.

A bit wide-eyed, the drunk spluttered: “ I offered him a drink and he refused! It’s my party! Everyone drinks! He insulted us!”

Lightning cocked an eyebrow, and coolly replied: “I see. Such an insult on such an important night is not to be passed over.” Her voice was a whiplash of command to Hope:  “Get. Up.”

She turned halfway to him, never quite taking her eyes off the group, gunsaber still in guard position: “What do you say, kohai?” She hoped he’d get the point to act like her student; she saw Hope’s face change, then encouraged she continued with an iron ring in her voice: ”A man has been insulted and challenges you. Now, be a man, and apologize...or defend your honor.” then she as she stepped back, she hissed: “He’s left handed.”

Suddenly Hope felt he was back on solid ground; he remembered her lesson just 3 days ago on left handed people defense. With a calmness he didn’t feel in the least, he snarkily snorted: ”I’m insulted he tried to make me drink that shit.” and jumped aside to the left as the man lunged; Lightning’s sharp coaching command “Wait for it!” made Hope keep stepping in pace with the attacker. They both circled warily, with a few jabs and feints, Lightning’s clear pitched vocals floating over the music and screeches in the little circle, encouraging him. The second punch was thrown by the overconfident drunk, and Hope simply grabbed the extended arm and kicked, once in the groin, and once more under the chin, dancing back out of reach; the drunk moaned and fell on his face, clutching some throbbing parts.

Lightning’s gunsaber snicked back into its holster and nodded briefly. “This matter is OVER. Goodnight. You - pay for the bottle.” Hope threw down whatever he had in his pocket and scampered after her rapidly retreating back; he almost had to run to keep up with her brisk city walk to the ‘cycle. She didn’t say anything, or act angry; she just hopped on and jerked her head to the back seat with a slight smile.

Neither permitted themselves to grin until they took off, like just another couple who’d hooked up on a Saturday night and were on their way to their personal heaven.

It was an oddly familiar, yet a very different heaven for Hope; he had looked to feed his secret addiction to something dark and been less than honest, but somehow everything twisted and metamorphosed into something hard, bright and shining. He’d danced his ass off, won a bar fight, and was holding onto a body of a goddess just as hard and lean as Noel’s on a ‘cycle going at insanely exhilarating speed. And all without having to beg, to grovel and to submit his body to someone.

Lightning’s heaven was that the lesson had turned out better than she had expected; she saw that Hope had enough in him now to stand up for himself, and that her fighting lessons had sunk in…a little. Maybe she could get him to open his mental door a little wider now.

She had been watching him dance for about half a set, and she had never seen a male body move like his; the white-silver hair with its rainbowed holo-sheen thrashed and moved like it had a life of its own, an exciting counterpoint to the body clad in dark shreds of cloth and leather, moving in a 1,000 rhythms, all dazzling, juxtaposed brilliantly against the beat and melody. There were moments where his body spoke of his hunger; it wanted to be touched, molded, screaming for a partner equal to his in passion; then it wanted to just move to delight the viewer with a moving portrait of silent stories of love…or war, or maybe a love that was a battle, always coming back, always seeking another intimacy, until the viewer crumbled, willingly held captive by the emerald eyes of a jungle cat impossibly looking out from the face of a human…..she shook her head and sternly told herself to quit trying to write bad poetry in her head about her old C.O.’s payroll check writer and just enjoy the performance.

She drove straight to the center of the downtown party district and paused at the stoplight, against the flash of mobile cameras going off at the handsome, recognizable pop star with his new signature bodyguard out for a midnight ride. She simply said into the cold air: “ Where to?”

Silence.

“Coffee?” She suggested.

She sighed at the continuing silence, and made the decision for him. The stoplight changed to green and she cried, “Hang on!” and popped the front wheel up a foot, making the street fans squeal as she sped off with their fantasy boy to parts unknown.

Parts unknown turned out to be a riverside coffee lounge open 24/7 that all security men and police men hung out at. Many brought their clients here, as no one bothered them, they were all used to being discreet. It was comfortable, classy, and quiet. Many conversations had taken place here, and it held an air of positivity, since life changing paths were discovered over steaming cups of fragrant brew.

_Oh great, I must be in real trouble, here comes the lecture. How do I explain I just want to become a man, and dance like one, too?_  Hope thought.

“Have you tried to film yourself dancing? You should. It’ll help your awareness of position in space, especially on the spins. You travel a bit and it throws the viewer off balance…unless that’s the effect you want to give…” Lightning left the tantalizing statement hang in the air unfinished, and dumbfounded Hope just stared at her, his jaw dropping. _I swear she’s psychic! She reads me like a book!_

_“_ I travel? No wonder Oppa Xia is always off step when I’m center. “ He let the dam break, and let his words fall in a tumble, excited that he could talk, with no stern warnings about broken rules and contracts and expectations as a star. “My body has grew so fast at age 15 my ligaments hurt, so I try to stretch them a lot, ya know? I keep turning, but it seems my one side is weaker than the other, and I keep trying to whip it out faster at the start, but then I lose sight of where I’m at and damn if it doesn’t mess me up somedays! Ya know, I thought the choreographer was really great on our last album release, but I keep thinking we are beginning to look like all the other bands out there, we don’t have that signature look to go with the signature sound we have, and well, we’re all growing and changing, all these new things we discover….it’s like we inspire, but then we go somewhere, and well, I just end up getting inspired, especially on the street…” he rather nervously shifted and sipped his brew, as he was about to say the nightclubs, but Lightning quietly interjected his thought:”…The nightclubs…the world outside your door you were forbidden to see; kind of like getting a glimpse of heaven, only to have the gates locked, eh? …You really have the creative mind of an artist, Hope Hajime Estheim…” She took a sip off her steaming cup, the cool, unruffled mentor on the outside, nodding at her student. Inside she was furiously shifting gears at his sudden intimacy, which she didn’t quite expect tonight. _Stay steady, don’t push him, let him mold his own thoughts, just hint at better outlets than nightclubs and sexual predators who dangle freedom at a price._ She very quietly asked: ”What did you hope to find?”

“I…I….” Hope swallowed and went pale, then hung his head in shame at the memory of times past with Noel surfaced. He spoke into his cup: “A…a…teacher. Someone to show me the way to being a…a man. I have Oppa, I have Raines, I have servants, managers, seniors, security men, stylists, but no one to…teach me…that.”

She lightly quipped, “What’s in a man? A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet..” keeping her face a composed Kwan Yin as her soul overflowed with tenderness for the creature in front of her, holding a coffee cup like it was a lifesaver. He was very close to sounding like another 17 year old, who wanted to grow up, but in the _right_ way, a way that her 17 year old heart knew existed somewhere out there, beyond the dysfunctional harsh world she’d existed in… She looked up, with her steady war-cat gaze as she hit him with the million dollar question: “What do you think a man should be?”

“Ohhh gods…there are so many words…but what I’m chasing is a… umm…feeling, that no matter where I go in life, I will always be me…true to me.”

“What defines Hope Hajime Estheim?”

“I want to be…well. Wise. Make mature decisions, like Raines and the seniors do for others. That I own the ground I stand on for once. The only time I feel that is on the stage. Offstage..ehhh. And…I don’t want just that kind of respect…I want..I want..to be loved for it….” A tear rolled off his chin as he remembered how Noel never told him he loved him, how he begged and begged for any word of affection, but never received the soul food he craved. He realized he’d stopped respecting himself, loving himself. And he hung his head again, lip trembling, holding tears in. “ I hate myself.” was muttered as he bitterly ended his confession.

Ever so softly, Lightning reached forward and just laid a hand on his hands, now knotted on the table, white knuckled with the effort of holding himself in. “ All love starts with learning to love yourself.” Her breath caught and she began to speak in a far more intimate tone than her lightly detached air of guardian and worldly wise GC elite corps soldier. “ I see you now, see your heart, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a long time. You want wisdom? You make hundreds, no thousands of wise decisions beyond your age on things; you have become kind and thoughtful of everyone in your daily life; you own a lot of real estate in the real world, yet you give until it hurts, and you’d be surprised at how much of a hold you have on so many hearts…can anyone not fail to love you, once they know you? “

_One didn’t…”_ Was there something wrong with me? “

“ Hope, put your need for love aside for a minute and look at the facts about your rapport with Noel… If it looks like a relationship and in your mind, feels like a relationship, but it has just the look, like passion, intensity, but not the structure, the rock, of a relationship – like commitment, growth, love… – what do YOU think it is? Examine…and decide for yourself.”

“He’d have to be half crazy to not love me, then!” he wryly retorted, suddenly thinking _I was ready, but he never was...he never wanted it, wanted ME. She knew. All along she knew. Why? How? It happened to her, too._

“Even I, as your guardian, fall under your spell and I want…I want…” _To kiss the ever loving daylights out of you and kick the ever loving daylights out of you until you figure out how to teach others how you desire to be treated and OWN your own space;…gods, he is so…so…I want him. I could fall. Hard._ Light’s insight kicked her: _It’s inexperience, not immaturity that drives the issue. This kid’s over 21 in his mind, it’s just that the rest of him that needs to catch up. It’s messed up because adults expect a…child._ She took a rather long breath and quietly ended with: “You alone determine the result of any relationship interplay, by what you accept, what you don’t accept. That I can, and will teach you.”

“Even if it means kicking the ever-lovin’ daylights out of my ass, my guardian   ?” His tears forgotten, his eyes arrestingly direct. Innocently wicked, she quipped again: “Isn’t that what sneaking out under my nose was for?”


	8. Chapter 8

Even though Hope never was taken to task for lying and sneaking out, he paid for it in other ways. His new mentor in adulthood was full of new ways to make his body ache, and his mind dance.

Of course the incident was covered in Lightning’s reports, but no one other than she was allowed to take action on it. They all saw Hope being hammered by the best of G.C., and sighed in relief that he was in good hands. As the season changed, it seemed a fresh air had blown through the Indefinable headquarters; it seemed more of a thriving household now. The new direction of the music and concept of the band image grew into a new album with a ferocious sound, and the boys got their chance to grow their talents, and present a more mature outlook to their fans.

Lightning trained Hope like a GC recruit at first, chipping away at the armor of spoiled affectations and manners he’d wrapped himself in for the past 5 years until they evaporated and the true metal of his well hammered soul began to shine through; his thin build began to grow sleek with muscles, and he had developed a great sense of situational awareness, which reflected well in his dancing also. They had grown together into a team, an army of two; they had emergency plans mapped in their heads, drills practiced once a week, and he could actually handle a gun, a knife, and a staff with some proficiency now.

The uniform designers from kisskissbangbang only laughed when the Sec men nervously showed up for a measurement session for their new tour uniforms, as weapons came out from the most unlikely places; but they were true professionals, and had designed for far more important people who had need of weapons. Xiasun calmly helped, at ease in his element, picking extraordinary high tech fabrics and altering sketches with bold slashes of blue ink. Lighting was shocked at the materials estimate, the equal of a downpayment on a small house. Then the designers blew her mind to shreds when they brought forward samples of holsters, microtrackers and other accessories, including a smartsling that imprinted to her vocal command and had adaptable algorhythms that changed the position of a weapon based on her body movements.

She’d had never known such luxury before, and she was hard put to be indifferent to it; she felt her will to be a fortress against the sybaritic amenities of a wealthy successful pop star’s lifestyle crumbling daily; she kept reminding herself it was only temporary, she’d be right back in the hard barracks and monastic Spartan lifestyle as soon as he grew bored with the game of being nice to the personal body guard. She’d learned the hard way that she was expendable in so many ways in her early years as a private in the guardian corps. She’d been with the elite of the military, once they noticed her talent, and this was no different. Once they were through with you, you went right back to your barracks.

Hope seemed hell bent on making sure she experienced every forbidden fruit a wealthy young man’s life had to offer: Persons to do things for you, like cleaning and laundry, fine cotton sheets on a bed that seemed heavenly after the lumpy barracks futons; foodstuffs that seemed impossibly fresh and a competent cook available 24/7 to cook them, if she so desired;the tour stayed in the high-rollers-only suites of hotels with secured access, or in private estates with secured perimeters, that were all pre-planned and investigated before even booking reservations; a planning team that ensured everyone had transport tickets, passports, security clearance for weapons on board, and a private luggage compartment for all their tour equipment and personal wardrobes. It was a stunning display of wealth, competent wealth at that, and she could find little or no fault with his choices on where the money was spent.

Little things kept appearing in her personal possessions or in her room that were blown off in the most casual manner, with a shrug or an bland look of puzzlement, when she rather anxiously queried if there was some mistaken room number or if said item was forgotten by the previous occupant. Soap and shampoos in heady scents began to tease her hair and skin with gentler suds and made them glow with a healthy sheen; a light as air silk and pashmina shawl in a beautiful neutral silver-steel grey now wrapped her neck when travelling or draped across her shoulders in the relaxing moments she had to herself;a tablet downloaded with a healthy selection of virtual training programs, music & ebooks which somehow mysteriously updated almost daily with new items to keep her daily physical training anything but routine.

She sat Raines down over coffee one quiet afternoon and simply talked to him about Hope, what she was doing, how she was doing it, his responses, conversations, actions, non-verbal responses and the general feel of what was happening her young charge’s mind. “Look, Raines, I’m not saying he’s hitting on me or being sexual on a conscious level, but he is behaving like he is attracted. So I don’t think Noel had caused any permanent changes, you know? But it does put me in an awkward situation at times. Raines, he is a powerfully attractive creature, all wrapped up in a sleek little package, and frankly, I’m not immune to his charm…in fact, it’s more like he’s taken everything I thought I knew about  relations between men and women and just…just…simply blown me away. He is so different than I thought he would be. Sometimes I feel like I’m the one who’s on the verge of falling…he seems so much more mature than a seventeen year old has a right to be. He seems to know more about it than me, and makes me feel my life has been an emotional desert for the past 4 years. Raines, where do I draw the line? Especially if they are beginning to blur between professional and personal?  More importantly, where do you want me to draw the line? No way am I going to abuse the trust you’ve placed in me.”

She took a long sip off her coffee, reminiscing with a wry smile at another 17 year old in her memory  before continuing. “Do you remember when I was just past basic training, Raines? How you let me come to you? Anytime, anyplace, anything, you said…how did you feel when I…I showed up in your bed that first time? ”

“Claire, I loved you then, and I you love now, and I will always love you. Life took us on different paths because we lived in a terrible time. Trust me, I spent many a sleepless night before allowing you in. You know the ancient warriors would put the lovers in the front line, knowing they’d fight harder for each other and if the front line fell, they would fall together. Hope is learning how to fight for himself, his own life; Noel may have had good intentions at first, but I think he wanted to keep Hope a boy, keep things the same; that happy never-never land where the excitement of new discovery never fades. You and I know that is not life, my fierce little war-cat.  We can’t stay in a state of newness forever, we…mature. Noel’s selfishness eventually twisted the relationship into a control issue; and I think you have the sense to know Hope will grow up, grow away from this pop star life, and find a path that may take him far away from what he is now. You know how to be strong enough to let go when the time comes.”

Raines allowed himself to look her dead in the eye as he replied “Claire, do whatever it takes to bring that boy back. Remember…us?”

Aqua orbs met smoky blue and an unspoken communication happened, breathless in its intensity; then the aqua warmed from glacier melt cool to limpid ocean and he smiled at her understanding of his unspoken implied direction. _Do it with love, as I loved you, Light._

“You know, his eighteenth birthday is coming up. We’ll need to discuss the celebration plans and ensure the security doesn’t suck, eh?”

They both laughed and clinked their cups, then still chuckling, they fell into a quick spar, replaying a well-worn game just for memory’s sake. After getting dropped by her old mentor most ungracefully over a twiddly ultramodern chair that broke, they laughed even harder, as neither had liked  it on sight; Raines gallantly extended a hand and hauled her to her feet, then gently caressed her cheek with a knuckle, another old memory that each rather mistily smiled at, then retreated from like passing ships with friendly colors.

The naughty mood persisted, the pair innocently shrugging off the mess of metal and leather when the head project manager arrived, cook in tow with a tray of tea and fresh fruit cut beautifully and arranged like a mandala. The project manager wisely suggested a two stage event, with a very public display of the young man being blessed at the Sanshin corporate temple, then either going out to the see & be seen places, then back home to a private midnight supper and cake, or throwing a circus of a party, then escaping at midnight to their favorite getaway for a quieter celebration.

Raines leaned towards the night on the town until Lightning’s observation that mobile security always had a way of slapping you with an unexpected change in routes. He groaned as he recalled some past incidents, involving club owners who also had a way of slapping you extra fees, and a few stupid oversights in security.  Besides, Hope would have a lifetime of adulthood to explore the public nightlife.

The word circus caught his imagination, and the trio soon grew to 5, then 8, as more people were called in to help with the details of the logistics of pulling off an insanely entertaining spectacle that would please the following of a young rising pop star, yet be intimate enough for said pop star;s little family at the right time.

Then brilliance struck and they had it : the Circus of Hope – an evening of stars and circus acts complete with a buffet of light foods & drinks, where the guest of honor and the immediate circle could gracefully slip away as soon the traditional toast was given for quieter affairs at the house. Hope would also publicly make a donation, and encourage the attendees to donate.

Raines kept a smirk off his face when the stylist first suggested Lightning wear custom coordinating party attire, at which the infamous Farron scowl appeared. Unfazed, the man went on until she eventually prompted him to recall her position; she struggled to tactfully express her view, but he did finally understand that gem-studded sandals with 5 inch heels would be difficult to run in, despite the loveliness of the idea of wearing something to complement the guest of honor’s attire. This event was where she earned her paycheck, and Hope’s safety came first. Raines humorously forced a compromise, by agreeing to her point at the circus-party, but insisted she change for the private dinner, then cornered her into running security for the weekend escape he envisioned for the boys, so he could get a break himself. He left her with another casual caress and the observation:“Time out of the spotlight is the ultimate gift to a performer, it will sit well with the house staff also. Don’t forget to bring a gift for donation; something small is appropriate. Jorge can give you a list of Hope’s favorite of anything, if you are stumped."

_Maybe giving myself would be an appropriate gift…dare I?_


	9. Chapter 9

The Circus of Hope was about to commence on the soft mid-summer evening of Hope’s birthday, and the rental property grounds were transformed into a space that delighted the senses. The company that designed the stage had been let loose with a modest budget, and with no touring restrictions, they brought forward a cutting edge set, surrounding the guests and performers with surreal landscapes created with soft lighting displays, clear acrylic abstract sculptures enhanced with banks of white flowering growth, planted with clever robotics that changed lighting colors and made the some of the landscape and sculptures occasionally rise, fall, or rotate. It added a sense of whimsy and gave the entire evening a dreamlike air for about 500 guests invited from the entertainment business sector. For three hours, the guests were treated to 3 upcoming new performers giving short 15 minute performances, backed up with circus performers from a well-known venue; one performer had even integrated herself into the circus act, gracefully descending onto the stage and twirling in silks while singing with a wireless headset. Despite the multiple acts, it was fairly easy to plan and set up with minimal crew, once the stage and a dance floor had been set up. Cocktails and mocktails were in plenty, and a series of tables around the perimeter held trays of appetizing bites and tastes of things to amuse the mouths of the guests for three hours, created with a master chef behind the scenes with a kitchen of 2 dozen staff.

Hope was very self-possessed under the cameras and paparrazzi’s scrutiny as they strode through the hallway to the waiting press release area. Raines thought it would be easier on everyone if they made the media appearance pre-party.

Hope had dyed his hair an outrageous shade of pink, not vivid, but the palest iced pink. Lightning's eyes widened in shock as she recognized the shade – it was a near perfect match to hers. He had donned a sleek black suit which made the contrast even more vividly shocking, and he looking stunningly sexy flipping the choppy mane when posing with the other boys.

He teasingly posed with his bodyguard also; everyone assumed he’d made her dye her hair to match his and it secretly amused him. The truth he kept hidden underneath his K-pop ultra cool exterior was that it was all a subtle compliment to his beautiful guardian; he hoped it would thaw the icy self-possessed exterior and get at the arrestingly charming woman hiding underneath that glacier of stoic indifference. _Professionalism is overrated_ he thought, and let another camera crew sidle up to take shots of him standing against his bodyguard; he charmingly even tucked a stray strand , icy pink as his, back into place while she stood there, never letting her guard drop, hand on gunblade, just like the honor guard at the royal palace. It pleased him to see she was wearing the KKBB designer’s uniform tonight – it had the added benefit of revealing her lithe figure without the excess exposed skin the guardian corps uniform had, which is what had changed her mind.

The fan donations and birthday greetings were gathered and incorporated into a backdrop wall for Hope, whom was scheduled to step on the stage half way through and give a short speech of thanks, then address his fans with his appreciation of their thoughtful gifts, but asked their permission to donate them to the New Hope Foundation Center for Children’s Diseases, whom recently lost a building in an earthquake. He would conclude with his public donation of $18,000 in honor of his mother’s memory, wish everyone a great time tonight, and exit. However, Hope had a little something extra planned with Raines’ permission; he wanted to hint at the new direction he and the boys were heading, or, at least that’s what he told his manager. Part of him felt manlier now, and he wanted people to see him as a more mature performer, than a foppish pop boy, all costumes and fancy choreography. He decided to sit down at the piano, and do an acoustic ballad version of one of their hits, ‘My Incredible (One)”. Hope would exit with a cheerful “What are we waiting for? Party, boy!” as the cute soloist descended on her silken ropes, singing said hit.

An impromptu bit of fun happened: she flipped her way down the silk and he stepped up, neatly catching her in his arms; she posed saucily, her leg up and an arm draped around his shoulder, then let her feet hit the stage; the silk ropes dangled teasingly. He grabbed one and tried a small jump, going up and around the girl; she waved him on, and he tried another, and she jumped on and twirled with him for a few moments, looking wicked fun. He dropped off and waved as he headed backstage, disappearing in a flurry of drifting confetti, released during the 1st chorus.

Exhilarated, he laughed and ran his fingers through his hair, dislodging confetti, looking for his bodyguard; she was studying a tablet with a stagehand, and flicked an eye upwards, comfortable and reassured he was alright; he felt a little let down, as he had hoped to cause a bit of jealousy in her; however, it took a few more seconds to notice she hadn’t dropped her eye, which was matching her interested expression. He glowed a little and felt his confidence rise to its former level of glee again, before allowing himself to be meekly led offstage and back to his intimate gathering of 500.

At 10:30 PM they left the main party and headed back to their own place, into an airborne transport, high above the street traffic, leaving the rest of the crowd to exit through the back. The boys in the band were all in great spirits; the evening had turned out very well, with a minimum of incidents. They were now all ready to take off the performer personas and step back into their comfortable intimacy, but with the same evening wear outfits, except for their bodyguards, who decided to play it classy and change into suits or traditional wear according to their homeland. Lightning rather nervously looked at her newly donned gown in the mirror, wondering if she looked odd, after being in mercenary gear and casual clothing for months now. Being dressed to stand out was a strange feeling, when compared to the deliberate anonymity of a guardian’s garb.

The mirror reflected a lovely woman, with a silk gown that softly swirled and clung on her fit body with precise grace. The entrance view was modest compared to some of the attending stars and business moguls tonight, but it made her seem more like a wrapped gift than a blatant display; but the exit, oh how it stunned! It was backless, with a deep plunge past her waist; the smooth flare of her hips was draped with delicate strands of minute brilliants and gently outlined the hem surrounding that exquisite view of her sculpted back. A pair of caged sandals finished her look, along with some subtly applied makeup by one of the stylists for the boys. It took only 10 minutes, but the metamorphosis was quite arresting. Of course, she strapped on her handgun under the skirt and a pair of throwing knives in the sleeves, but damn, if she didn’t feel…different. She was aware of how the high heels were a discipline unto themselves, they changed her stride into a slower walk, giving her hips an intriguing sway, the foot landing more delicately on the staircase, through the wood of the hallway and onto the expensive silk Persian carpet of the library, where Raines was waiting. He, too, had changed and was experiencing his own discipline of formal wear, in a full dress hakama of heavy embroidered silk.

Raines just grinned and handed her a baccarat cut crystal shot glass of iced vodka and she tilted her head back, and let the peppery beverage slide down in an icy burn.

“You looked like you needed it.” He smirked, gently taking the bottle from the tray, and pouring another with just as much flourish.

“No kidding – these shoes are so…weird to walk in. I swear I am going to have a broken toe before dawn, Raines. Who invented these? Some man?” Her aqua eye belied the heartless tone spoken, and she admired Raines’ trim form in the hakama, the obi tied just as tightly as the first time she met him all those years ago in the G.C. elite training dojo. She frowned momentarily then asked: “Should I change into a dress kimono? “

“No, many guests attending will be as you are; I do it for the big daddy image, and it makes the company heads comfortable. Don’t be surprised if you get an inappropriate offer; just direct them to me after thanking them. Always thank them, no matter what idiocy they say. It saves face.” They toasted again with another punch of peppered vodka, then sighed pleasurably, looked each other dead in the eye as Raines signaled the start of a new kind of war-game with an old game: “Let’s do it, war-cat.”

“Aye, Tiger-san. Oh do, let’s.”

Then they pushed open the doors to the formal dining room, heads high, radiating utter confidence. The guests had arrived, but the boys and their bodyguards were not down yet; so Raines and Lightning circulated, gently seeing to each person’s comfort, and allowing themselves to be a bit more relaxed for a change. The house was secure, the boys were all here, the event was not too taxing, due to good preparation, and they were anticipating a well-deserved getaway for a few days.

Thus engaged, Lightning did not notice her charge had arrived, despite her stern lessons on situational awareness; he had his reasons, oh yes. He had discreetly padded down behind Chan and his security guard, mobile in hand; he stood just outside the doors and pretended to check his messages, but was secretly taking as many shots as he could of his guardian in the few moments of freedom tonight.

He was thoroughly pleased with the effect of the dress; he’d begged the stylist to let him see what he had picked; the choices were all interesting, but this one made his eyes light up with its combination of subdued cut and contemporary style. Indulgent, the stylist suggested it to Lightning.

A smattering of raised voices with traditional well wishes announced his entrance to Lightning; he was still in his party suit, but had changed his shirt. His attention to his guests was just as polished as his look, and the whole atmosphere soon relaxed, the seniors of the company growing louder in talk and toasts, silently approving of their artists. The group of boys seemed like they were all well-balanced, with a growing maturity that boded well for all their futures. Sadly, Hope was seated too far from Lightning to escort her to the table, but he kept his situational awareness high, so any opportunity would not pass him by. The pleasure of simply seeing her, so close yet distant was like a slow pulsing beat below the surface of the little party; he kept his voice even, his attention on the people seated next to him, acknowledging the staff at the end, with the small surprise of a traditional toast with sake to his seniors, before the staff began to clear the table and gently pampering the guests with a fresh room ’untainted by the feast’s strong scents’ with a celebratory dessert and champagne to send them off for the night. Several exited to take the night air on the verandah and smoke a cigarette, still engaging in conversation with their dinner partners; Hope sent a server on the run for Lightning’s pashmina; it was a flimsy excuse, but it would do for moment of contact.

He walked down the verandah steps, scarf in hand, glimpsing a couple walking in the little rock garden to the right. He boldly stepped forward, turning to the little arched bridge; he knew she liked that viewpoint, especially at night. He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the man’s hand reach up and casually caress her cheek with a graze of his knuckle. Then they both stepped back and shook their heads lightly, the woman lightly gliding away after a gentle touch in return on his arm. She looked back and could be heard saying in a very flirty tone of voice: “ Shall we, Tiger-san?”, with the sarcastically cheerful retort: “Oh do, lets, war-cat!”

A rush of hot jealousy flooded through Hope; the night started to crumble to dust and ashes, until the night air was set ablaze with this sexy comment: ”You know, I almost envy Hope tonight. I am sure he’ll have a helluva good time unwrapping that birthday suit of yours. Such a pity it’s not my eighteenth birthday again.”

The whistle and thunk of a sleeve-knife in the bridge post was her retort. Raines extracted it with a chuckle and she responded with a soft chiming laugh of her own: “There’s always your retirement party to look forward to.”

Then the night took wings; Hope darted back down the path, exhilaration bleeding through the hot burn of jealousy his veins. He almost laughed as reached the steps, and strode into the comfortable great room like a young stallion, whipping the pashmina around his neck like a prize. The pash was carefully given to another server, with instructions to find guardian Farron. She’d never know.

He was so much more relaxed at this point, he almost didn’t care if they did it or not. The dinner finale was another exquisite tray-mandala of strawberries and a handmade cake by the house cook, who proudly brought it in with the rest of the kitchen staff, all clad in fresh whites. The small crowd was led by the rest of the boys in the band in singing the traditional birthday song, and they all toasted one last time with champagne before saying goodnight.

What more could a guy want? Oh. Yeah. His girl.

He debated cheekily knocking on her door and chiding her for the lack of a birthday gift, but he was surprised to see her in his private suite, sitting in his favorite chair, gunsaber across her lap in her all too familiar pose. Quizzically he tilted his head and commented: ”I didn’t expect you here, Light-san. Did I forget something?”

“No…It’s still your birthday, Hope, yes? I have a gift for you.”

He managed to let 5 words escape his suddenly tight throat:”Wha..what is it? Your..gunsaber?”

She let her lips quirk in wry upturn at the awed tone of voice, then slowly, sensually, stood and flowed over the floor like the silk swirling around the swing of her hips. Slowly the gunsaber lowered and her hand brushed his lips, then trailed down to rest on the collar of his shirt and she leaned in, hypnotizing him with those limpid aqua eyes holding a secret; yes, a wickedly secret delight was in them at this moment as she leaned a little further in, grazing his lips with her own, before softly commenting near his ear: “No.”

The slow beat he had been feeling all evening quickened, spilling over into his body, animating it to capture the living flesh he had dreamed about for so long, now made real in front of him. His hands slowly took possession, followed by another meeting of mouths, but this time he didn’t hesitate to taste, entranced by the taste of strawberries they’d both eaten after the cake. The lean fingers slid down the sculpted arms, tightening and pulling her sleek curves closer, when she allowed the intimacy of his kiss. He wanted to take it all right now, a sybaritic no holds barred party-turned orgy of flesh for fantasy, a very intimate dance of two, an ultimate expression of love that is war or a battle that is surrender by a touch at a time…

“All….mine?” he breathed in query as he sought out a particular spot, just where the neck meets the shoulder, daring to lay his lips there, then pause, as he waited for her affirmation.

“All yours..for one night.” she affirmed.

He looked down, then up through his lashes, his cheeks staining a light coral, yet returning her gaze steadily, before replying: “You made me the man standing before you tonight…I…am..honored.”

Lightning moved past him, leaving a drift of some subtle perfume to assault his overloaded senses as she exited the suite. She paused at the door, ensuring he had his full attention with a pose that displayed the superb exit view of her body encased in the now scandalously sexy dress, then looked back over her shoulder to deliver her exit line: ”You have the say on how it goes. You decide the time and place. That’s the gift, Hope.” A charming glimmer of white teeth appeared before saying:” Goodnight...” and then like a holo fantasy, she was gone.

Dawn brought confusion to Lightning’s conscious mind; her body sensed something was different and she wondered where she was; the mattress felt more like a bed of soft leaves and a subtle rose scent inhaled in a pretty nostril made her think a maid was near; she sensed a presence in the room, across the rug, by the chair in the window, judging from the rasp of fabric. She slowly rolled and even more slowly opened her eyes, only to see rose petals in her immediate field of vision; she gasped and sat up suddenly, stunned that her bed had turned into a retreat of floral sensuality, the bed covered in a drift of rose petals.

Hope was sitting there, very relaxed, just…looking at her, head propped up by a hand. He let a few moments go by, gathering his courage to speak. “I wanted to go to you last night, but I thought it through. You said I have the choice on how it goes; I….intend….to take my time….and enjoy this with you…I’ve wanted this for a long time. I know I’m ready for you, but…are you ready for me? “

He slowly got up and walked over to the bedside, then leaned over, his loose shirt gaping open, giving her a glimpse of his now-lithe abs beyond the dangling necklace as he huskily asked again: “Are you ready…for me?” The leaf green eye peeping out from behind his silver locks crinkled in silent humor at her dazed look, and then he drifted off to the door of her room and mentioned: “The transport will be ready to go in 30 minutes, I think.”

She jumped out and nearly pounced him going down the staircase 15 minutes later with a wicked flash of white teeth again and a twirl of her gunsaber. His own smile had a faint shimmer of wickedness, as he suddenly realized he was more excited about this visit to their getaway island than he’d been in a long time. He had three days to decompress with his inner circle and was glad he could include his guardian in, like his other friends did. Everyone settled in for the ride, and things fell into a semblance of normality again, though neither lover could quite shake the memory of the dreamlike encounter in the last 12 hours.


	10. Chapter 10

The 3 days went by slowly, the group gently swirling and mixing, each involved with what relaxed them from surfing to bike riding to lazy hours on the lanai watching the firepit burn down; the only hard-and-fast rule was never go off the vacation rental alone. Lightning expected Hope to claim his gift, and was rather surprised when he simply acted like she was part of his extended family. But he was always the one to wake her at dawn, when the air was soft, refreshing and a light scent of night jasmine still hung in the air.

On the last day, he parted the white silk curtains to let the sweet air freshen the room, and sat on the bed crosslegged before asking: “Can I take you somewhere for a while, before the others are up? “

Somewhere was up on the hillside behind the vacation home, up a placidly winding road that ended in a small meditation point, donated by the Buddhists on the little island. It was the original of the white flower garden on the home estate, but colorful with native orchids, and the Buddha was well weathered bronze, glistening green in the sun. 

“Huang-su is the only other person who knows about this place. He brought me up here one day when he caught me crying on the beach.” He kept moving, clearly tense, full of a pent up emotion that Lightning couldn’t quite fathom. “I’ve been asking myself what’s the right time and place, and nothing seemed right so far. We’ll both need some privacy to let it all out. This time it isn’t private enough. It’s beautiful, but we’re not alone. I need to be alone with you.”

“OK. Do you want me to plan a secret getaway for two? Raines needs-“

He cut her off. ”NO. I don’t want to lie to him or anyone else about this between us. And I don’t want to get heaven for just one night and then get tossed out on my ass. I already feel like I’ve been locked out for too long already. I want more.” He drew a shaking breath, his companion now silent, reaching for weapon that was not there, then gripping a handrail, the knuckles tight.

“ You came into my life, and everything dark in me was burnt away; and you didn’t do it for me, you taught me to do it myself. I see that. But what I also see is that only you could do that for me, because…because you went through it before me. That’s why no one else would do…except you. Raines knew it, on some level. He’s really in tune with a lot of things. You don’t have to tell me your story today, but one day, say it out loud to me. You see…I see…something about you still hurts; and I know...I can do something about that.”

“There’s going to be a time when I’m going to leave the pop star life. I may practice medicine, I may teach dance, I may start a business; but the question is: Do you want to come along and leave it with me? We…might be good travelling companions on that road.”

She quietly responded: ”I can’t be your bodyguard forever, you’ll change, there’s a whole world of…of…women who blow me away…You’re going to find out I’m not so special, Hope. And I’m not a beautiful soul. I’m not innocent. I’m just a sword for hire, a merc who’ll kill for a living…”

He fiercely turned to her, blocking her exit off: “That’s the story you want me to believe. Make everyone think the only thing that makes you beautiful is how you use a weapon better than anyone else alive. I know that feeling very well. You gave to someone until it hurt once. And they said nothing. You gave to your country, and the only thing they said sits in a box in your closet. No one will ever compare to you. No. One. And I don’t need a bodyguard forever. It’s you who needs, now. I’m the bodyguard…of your heart. It’s time for me to teach you…and I can’t see a life without you in it, someway, somehow. As I said: I’m ready for you. And you’re ready for me…is it so hard to confess?”

He caught her gaze, leaf green and ocean blue communicating with some language only known to both of them for an eon that was perhaps the blink of an eye to Buddha. Hope was the one to reach out and lay a hand on two white knuckled hands clutching the rail, and recall the words: “All love starts with learning to love yourself.”

When the little cavalcade of Indefinable and crew returned to base, Lightning feigned retreat for two days, staying in her room and claiming to be coming down with something. She ate in her room, sent messages on tablet to the staff, avoiding all human contact. Hope was lonely for her, but he kept his heart up: _No answer is NOT a no._ _If she knew it was wrong for her, she’d have said no right then and there. No…that’s not all there is to it, Hope,_ his other half of his mind answered; _her mind is fighting it, because she’s still scared. She’s had 6 more years than you to build her defenses. This might take a while._

His heart was adamant in its reply: _Who cares? She excites you like no one or nothing else you’ve seen or experienced in your 18 years. And how you want to take it all the way…all the way to a bed, all the way to lovers. No one else will do; not Xiasun, not Noel, not the million cherry blossoms screaming his name at every performance. Just her. Lightning Claire Farron.  Because she got broken the same way you did, and yet she reached out and went in to fight for you, no questions asked._

The rains came pouring down in the afternoons, bringing a pensive mood to the household. Hope couldn’t stand it after the second day, and escaped onto the estate grounds, jogging in the garden paths, thinking the bright colors would bring a positive vibe; as he passed the white garden, he noticed a human figure on the grassy space they all used for outdoor practice. It was her, alright. She had her gunsaber in full extension, moving in katas and attacks, hair dripping, shivering with cold, yet endlessly repeating the motions, until she skidded and dropped in exhaustion, gasping for air, only to get up again to start over.

_Don’t force it, don’t run to her, she’ll come, when she’s ready._ His heart advised sternly. _But I love her_. He hotly protested. _What’s love, Hope Hajime Estheim? It’s indefinable._ Then Hope smiled and turned back to the great house, in search of his six friends. There was work to do.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The music of Zayn Malik's "I don't want to live forever" provided the inspiration for the lyrics to "Army Of One". Thank you, Zayn. : )

The 5th day after their return to the estate things began to normalize; Indefinable had to keep its promise to kisskissbangbang and do a special show at the festival. The boys all chattered quietly amongst themselves backstage, covering their nervousness. Tonight was the debut of their new concept and Raines had made sure there was media coverage. And then it was on; they stepped into the lights, Hope glancing back at Lightning’s enigmatic face.

She didn’t know how long she stood there watching the show, then she abruptly came to her senses when the music ended and thousands of cheering fans ripped loose with their adulation of the young men; then she simply melted into the backstage rush and slowly started to back up a step at a time to the exit door.

_I could leave now and never look back, go back to the military, go back to my simple well-ordered life and stop this madness. Yes, it’d be lonely as hell, but I wouldn’t be dancing at the whim of a young man, until he got sick of playing with me. Gods, what is wrong with me? I must be seriously bent to want this to be more than just professional. Who really needs guarding here? Him? Or me? He’s strong now; he can defend himself, he’s fit in mind and body now, you taught him what you_ _could. Be content._ She sternly addressed her heart; but it would not listen, it cried, it wept it pleaded for the beautiful young man with glimmering Paraiba eyes and sweet light timbre that made her adamant will melt into a puddle at his feet.

And there Raines found her not six feet from the exit door, arms crossed and the infamous Farron glare on her face as she debated the turning point in her life. Raines almost smiled at the young self-possessed woman running from intimacy; he knew Hope had opened her up just as much as she had opened Hope up and healed each other’s wounds. “Light, before you leave, you really need to see this next piece. You know he wrote it, choreographed it, everything all by himself. He’s going to dedicate it to you. Be polite and at least acknowledge it. Come along now. “

He took her by the arm and calmly escorted her to the reserved seats right up front; the boys were  responding to the fan’s applause and took the shower of quirky gifts with grace; Ashton tapped Hope’s arm to get his attention; he called to Xiasun who nodded and told the band to change the next set; Jae & Han picked up guitar and synth keyboard, then the music started, a new piece none of the audience had heard before; the fresh sound and intensity of the soaring harmony caught at everyone’s heart, especially one. It was unlike anything they’d done before, gone were the simpering fanservice pretty boy flutters and charming smiles; this was a real expression of heartfelt emotion in the face of pain.

They worked their bodies like GC recruits, Lightning could see her hard taught katas in the choreography, executed with razor sharpness, yet spare, giving the visual impact a powerful punch of intensity. Then lightning effects crackled across the stage and rainfall started; they were stomping and sliding and turning in the water, sending cascades of spray in beautiful patterns that gave the choreography of the scene an ephemeral sensitivity set against the gritty GC recruit training moves.

I been sittin’ here thinkin’ eyes wide wide open in the rain

It’s been a long time comin’ and I don’t think I can explain

You saved my life like it was nothin’

I’m goin’ crazy, wanna give you somethin’

And you’re fightin’ every inch of the way until you’re running blood in the rain

I’ll be your shield and saber

And I’ll be your army of one

But I don’t wanna fight forever, ‘cause without your love it’s all the same

And I don’t want to live forever, if I can die callin’ your name

(In your arms back home)

(c’mon baby, pick up the phone)

(sweet sweet baby let me take you home)

Everyone on was their feet screaming when the music came to a jolting thunderous stop, and Lightning stood there like she’d been struck by her namesake, unable to move; her only thought was only Hope could take something so fucked up and bent out of shape and make it beautiful.

It caught at her heart like nothing she’d ever experienced before; no one had ever declared himself to her with such intensity of feeling; suddenly anything seemed possible and the light in her eyes was like that pale gleam of sunlight in the depths of winter that hints that the spring is coming, that the thaw of winter’s ice has started; indeed the ice around a heart was thawing, dripping, running over with too much tenderness as it cracked and fell away to the warm flow of blood pounding gently and steadily in a body trembling with painful awareness of the fall that was happening, in this place, this time, this very moment of life.

Raines quietly said in her ear under the roaring applause: “That kind of talent is so very rare, and so very beautiful, Light…just like a 15 year old recruit who lied about her age that I knew. Only you can decide how it goes between you and an 18 year old pop star, but I think it’s ok to stop fighting it for tonight.” With a gentle, yet heartless shove, he pushed her towards the stage and crossed his arms chuckling to himself. 

_____________________________________

Postscript

The Film At 11 crew and the paparazzi missed the opportunity of their lives that night; had they the common sense to look at the departing transport behind them, they would have gotten the most shocking shot of an Indefinable popstar violently kissing his bodyguard.

When she was allowed to come up for air, she looked out the window at the gemmy city lights below, and frowned, as the pattern was different; she turned suddenly and growled: “ Did you- ? Where are we going? We’re NOT on the secured route home, Estheim!”

“Am I in trouble, Light-san?” he mock-innocently offered.

“If you call seducing your bodyguard with her own moves and with the help of six of your best friends trouble, yup, you can sure as hell say you are.”

Next thing she knew, she was on the floor, Hope’s ankle lazily hooking hers and his arms around her.

“Is this your move?”

Reclaiming her breath she opened her mouth to snap at him, then just as suddenly, let go of her inhibitions and kissed him with abandon, ignoring the off course transport, Hope’s mutiny and the world in general. After all, she was in the presence of something...Indefinable.

_____________________________________

 


End file.
